Expectations
Sitting here praying and thinking about our adoption, I have come to understand why I'm upset and angry. It's all about expectations. I should have learned by now not to expect anything in our adoption. It's been 2 years now and we've gotten nowhere. When I was told by our FC that if we could make this deadline of the beginning of September that we would get our referrals, I expected we would. I also began expecting that we would be able to have them home for the holidays. How foolish of me! If only I could remember not to expect anything and to just take everything we are told with a grain of salt, I would not be so upset right now. My husband has learned to do this very well. He's not expecting that we will be traveling to Russia someday until we are flying in the airplane. After so many disappointments you'd think I'd join him in his lack of expectations. So, some adoption advice for those of you starting your adoption: Do NOT expect anything and you'll have an enjoyable adoption. As for me, I'm turning over a new leaf. I, from this point on am not going to expect anything from our adoption and will not be excited about anything until I'm on the plane with my kids headed home. I feel better already.
posted by Chris Goeppner @ 11:58 AM
10 Comments:
Hi Peggy! I can relate to what you're feeling. We've been on this journey to bring Dmitry home for over two years as well. There are highs and lows, sure seems like more lows than highs though. I've learned over and over about setting my own expectations - and see that I was always let down. For a while this summer, I was doing pretty good at having very little to no expectations and then our agency was accredited. Suddenly out of no where I seemed to let myself get excited and start expecting things and then was blind sided with more delays - and once again I was crushed beyond measure. It's definitely a conscious effort to keep yourself grounded - but if this time comes again where you're feeling disappointed as you once again subconciously set more expectations I want you to know you're not alone. It's TRUE, but much easier for others to point out and accept everything in your adoption is in God's timing, but it's hard to accept sometimes. Just know I'm praying for you, as I know many others are as well.
Laura
DOHhhhhhhhhhhh I swear I knew your name is Penny. LOL. I just re-read my comment and I was like Peggy? DOHHHhhhhh. So sorry!! Penny Penny Penny!
Laura
I'm so sorry the documents aren't on their way to Russia now. As bad as all this waiting is Dave and I are experiencing something right now that could explain the wait for us. It's such a great reminder to see God work in our lives right now.
Glad you're feeling better. I wish I could be more like Dave when it comes to this wait too.
Hi Penny-I know how you feel, and we've just been waiting for a year. I can't imagine what you've been through waiting for 2 years. I just keep reminding myself that God has the perfect child that He desires for us and this His timing is perfect, even though I'm growing more and more impatient! :) Everyone says that all of these anxious feelings we have while we wait will be long forgotten once we get our children. I'm trying to keep that in mind right now, even though it can be very challenging at times. I pray that you and Chris will hear something very soon!
Hey Penny,
Glad you have a blog to vent on! This stinks! You wonder sometimes if they realize they are dealing with human beings with feelings! Bethany had an awesome idea about going up to Tallahassee. Wonder if you need an appointment or anything? We're praying still and won't stop. Sorry about this latest turn in events. It's ridiculous how long these adoptions take. I wonder if they really have the kids best interest in mind? I will pray for supernatural intervention and a quick and happy ending to this whole "adoption pregnancy"! We love you guys and pray God's best for you.
I'm catching up on blogs and just read your last two. I'm so sorry to hear about your notarization problems! I also know exactly what you mean about not having expectations. Those of us that are planners and future-thinkers have such a hard time with this concept, don't we?? I hope you can straighten things out with the Tallahassee office on Tuesday. Is there a specific date you have to have the papers to your agency? We're cheering for you!
I'm so sorry. I've been gone and was hoping to check in with you for some good news. My hubby did the same with our adoption and with other things in life and does a lot better than me. I've also had to learn a lot about expectations. Keep praying and reading the Word, even when you don't feel like it. It truly will help.
Penny, When we got Regan it seemed like forever but it really was no time at all. You were right to comment that you've heard that before because it is true. In the meantime, it's hard to wait, especially for us women. Why don't guys have these issues?? Our challenge at church on Sunday was to get out of our lives and look at our lives through God's eyes. It helps change to change the perspective every once in a while. I'll keep praying...
I know the feeling all too well. While our story was different, we had constant set-backs and delays. One unmet expectation after another. When I started to let go of the expectations it got easier to receive the set-backs. It's hard to do, but you must know that God has a plan and His timing is perfect.
Good advice you give ;o)
We can totally relate as our Russian adoption was "supposed" to take about 12 months. How hilarious that the agencies actually sell that crap? Sheesh.
We're going on three years of this....Finally here at the end of the third year, our girls will be home (next week).
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