Sad News
We got a call from our family coordinator this afternoon. We were told that we lost our referrals. They are no longer available to us as the children are being pursued by Russian familes. As sad as this news was, I was not surprised. I believe that the Lord has been preparing us for this day for quite some time. I've felt a sort of disconnect from the photos we had of our children and now we know why. It doesn't make it any easier though. It still hurts but I am so thankful for the incredible peace He has given us. We trust that God has the perfect children for us somewhere in Russia and we will wait for them as long as it takes. Hopefully it won't take much longer! Our agency said that we will be at the top of the waiting list for referrals and they should come soon after reaccreditation. I've learned not to hold my breath. We have also asked that they do not send us any photos of our future children, having faces to fall in love with has made this loss all the harder. Please pray for us, for the children we lost, the children that will one day be ours and for reaccreditation. Thak you all for your prayers and support.
We will " trust in the Lord with all our hearts and lean not on our own understanding, in all our ways we will acknowledge Him and He will direct our paths".
posted by Chris Goeppner @ 9:18 PM
13 Comments:
I am so sorry. As you are probably aware, I truly know your pain. One year and one week ago, we were in your shoes. You are so wise with what you say- God will truly work it all out. He has your children planned. He will bring you to them when the timing is right. I will be praying for you because I know how you feel. The song that got me through that time was "Praise You in the Storm." Give it a listen.
Thinking of you. And praying for both you and Chris.
I am so sorry for you...and admire your faith during this difficult time. Hang in there.
So sorry for your loss,we too had a loss of our little girl the day before court and are now blessed with 2 precious daughters. Keep the faith you will be united with your precious children soon. Prayers going out....
What an awful time... I too, unfortunately have been through it too. I'm glad your faith brings you comfort and I pray that you feel ready to move forward when the time comes. I pray accreditation comes soon. There are so many waiting children and families. Lisa
Oh Penny and Chris I am so sad to hear this news. I know a piece of your heart is gone now. But that's ok, you'll never forget those children and you can pray for them their whole lives through.
I am praying for you to have comfort and peace that is beyond comprehension.
Along Kim's line of thought, Jaci Velasquez's song "Lay it down" is just so perfect for a Christian family caught in this wait. Here are the lyrics:
I’ve been looking ‘til my eyes are tired of looking
Listening ‘til my ears are numb from listening
Praying ‘til my knees are sore from kneeling
On the bedroom floor
I know that You know that my heart is aching
I’m running out of tears and my will is breaking
I don’t think that I can carry
The burden of it anymore
All of my hopes and my dreams and my best laid plans
Are slowly slipping through my folded hands
Chorus
So I’m gonna lay it down
I’m gonna learn to trust You now
What else can I do
Everything I am depends on You
And if the sun don’t come back up
I know Your love will be enough
I’m gonna let it be, I’m gonna let it go
I’m gonna lay it down
I’ve been walking through this world like I’m barely living
Buried in the doubt of this hole I’ve been digging
But You’re pulling me out and I’m finally breathing
In the open air
This room may be dark but I’m finally seeing
There’s a new ray of hope and now I’m believing
That the past is the past and the future’s beginning to look brighter now
‘Cause all of my hopes and my dreams and my best laid plans
Are safe and secure when I place them in Your hands
Chorus
So I’m gonna lay it down
I’m gonna learn to trust You now
What else can I do
Everything I am depends on You
And if the sun don’t come back up
I know Your love will be enough
I’m gonna let it be, I’m gonna let it go
I’m gonna lay it down
Dear Chris & Penny,
You and your family are in my thoughts and prayers. I'm so sorry for the loss of your children. I know you have love in your hearts for them and they are precious in your sight. They will be blessed by your ministry to pray for them. You have honored them and the Lord by pursuing their adoption and fighting this good fight.
I wish I could wave a wand and fix all this for you. I wish I knew why these things happen.
Grief will come in ebbs & flows. Let your feelings come and be gentle with yourselves. Take good care of yourselves and treat yourselves well. You are going thru much. Do what's best for yourselves, your hearts, souls, minds, and spirits. Speaking from experience, I can offer up to you that given time, you will feel better. Don't push yourself or rush it though. Just let yourselves be & nurture yourselves.
Remember Jeremiah 29:11.
My heart aches for you guys. Know that people care about you. Bless you for having such loving, pure, and faithful hearts. God bless you. -Esther
I'm so sorry.
hugs,
Laura
So sorry to hear this news. I'll keep you both in my thoughts during this difficult time. You have such strength to have such a positive attitude during this time.
I am so sorry for the pain that you and Chris must feel right now. You both are in my thoughts and prayers.
your SBP
I'm so sorry for the loss of your referral. You are right that the children who are meant to be yours are still out there in Russia somewhere, but I know that doesn't make this loss any easier.
Hang in there. I'll be hoping for your children to come your way soon.
I've been there too. After 9 months of waiting to go back to get our son (and reaccreditation 2005) we lost our child to a Russian family. We too continued on and now have a beautiful 2 1/2 year old little boy. To see his face (in the referral photo) after losing our first referral was difficult. I didn't print the photo until just before we left to meet him. I stared at the photo asking if he was my son. I know the pain. I know the loss. I know the wait for reaccreditation. Everyone kept saying "these things happen for a reason." I wanted to shove that phrase down everyone's throats. In the end we realized that it did happen for a reason. Alexander (our first referral), we feel, was given to us to pray for and love to help us hang on during the wait. It also gave a little boy with nothing a whole world of people praying for him until he met his forever family.
For 6 months my husband and I had a picture of a beautiful little Vietnamese girl on our refrigerator. Our other 2 children were ecstatic about bringing home "little sister." We eventually learned that all was not right with the agency we were with, and that "little sister" had been placed by another agency several months earlier. Our agency didn't even know, we had to find this out on our own.
It was painful, to say the least. As many times as we told ourselves that we didn't really know this girl, and she was still alive, and that we were happy she had a family (that's the most important thing, right?), we still grieved. You grieve for the loss of possibillities, for what could have been, for the hope of a life together. Three months we have moved on, but I still can't throw her picture away.
Now we are with a different agency, pursuing the adoption of two older boys from Russia. We realize that instead of one child finding a family, our experience will ensure that three children will find families.
I just wish I didn't die a little death every time the phone rings and I see the name of our agency. I won't be able to exhale until we have the boys home. Good luck to you. Good luck to all of us.
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